More Than Two Essentials Archives | Thornapple Press

Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond

Joe Fulgham — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 18:45:36 +0000

Nonmonogamy has exploded in popularity over recent decades, spawning dozens of how-to guides and countless media articles. But quietly, in the wake of this wave of non-traditional relationships, a growing number of people have moved away from the nonmonogamy they once practiced. It’s not about rejecting nonmonogamy as bad or wrong. For some, trauma or the stresses of everyday life got in the way of multiple committed relationships; others lost their motivation to pursue new partners. Some ended up monogamous by attrition, and others are single by choice.

What’s it like on the other side of nonmonogamy? How did you get there? How does your life reflect what you learned along the way? Is nonmonogamy an identity or a practice? And do you think you might ever jump back in? Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond invites you to explore these questions in a spirit of self-reflection, self-compassion and curiosity.

More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca.

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Nonmonogamy and Death

Joe Fulgham — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 18:30:15 +0000

Rarely does the question of death come up in discussions of nonmonogamy. But whether it’s sudden or expected, nonmonogamous people must face death like anyone else—as well as its consequences on those left behind after a loved one is gone.

As nonmonogamous people, how can we plan ahead for our own and our loved ones’ deaths? How can we best navigate a funeral industry that may not understand our relationships, a legal system that’s not set up to recognize our commitments, and a social world that can be unfriendly to grieving partners outside the monogamous model? How do we take care of ourselves and each other in times of grief and loss?

In Nonmonogamy and Death, Kayden Abley leads us through these difficult and tender questions with compassion and care, providing guidance to help you find your own answers.

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Nonmonogamy and Happiness

Joe Fulgham — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 08:09:43 +0000

The love story we’re all familiar with ends with “ … and they lived happily ever after.” But how often do we hear a nonmonogamous love story with that ending? In all kinds of contexts, nonmonogamous happiness is erased. From the ubiquitous “friend who tried it once and it didn’t end well” to Dan Savage’s long-term jokes about never being invited to a polyamorous third wedding anniversary, we are repeatedly assured that nonmonogamy leads to misery.

In “real” love, we are taught to expect the opposite: to expect happiness. When we want to ask if someone’s relationship is going well, we ask if they are “happy with” their partner. We might even ask whether their partner makes them happy. But what does love have to do with happiness? Doesn’t love have space to accommodate the full range of emotional experience?

Carrie Jenkins thinks it does, or at least it can. She draws connections between the expectation that love will make us happy and the undue focus on positive emotions to the exclusion of “negative” ones. She argues that love—monogamous or otherwise—might better aim at being eudaimonic than at being happy, and that we have a better chance of achieving this if we are able to make relationship choices free from the prejudices and distortions that lead to an unduly rosy view of monogamy and an unduly miserable picture of the alternatives.

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Nonmonogamy and Teaching

Joe Fulgham — Fri, 28 Jul 2023 07:32:21 +0000

Educators are often overworked, underpaid and at the crosshairs of every cultural debate. Teachers dedicate themselves to creating safe, nurturing environments for students, but are themselves subjected to levels of personal scrutiny practically unseen in other professions. In some careers, keeping a picture of your loved ones on your desk isn’t worth a second thought. For teachers with nontraditional families, it can come with the risk of becoming a political football.

Informed by her firsthand experience as a nonmonogamous educator, Ashley Speed examines the typical objections raised about nonmonogamous people teaching children, how to refute them and how to navigate some of the difficulties of being a nonmonogamous teacher in today’s stormy political waters. It also offers practical advice for administrators and parents who want to support nonmonogamous teachers, and tips for teachers on how to make their classrooms friendly for kids from nonmonogamous families.

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Nonmonogamy and Neurodiversity

Joe Fulgham — Fri, 17 Feb 2023 09:37:23 +0000

Too often, the neurodivergent community is marginalized, de-sexualized or patronized. Neurodivergent people are often not seen as part of the romantic or sexual landscape at all, let alone as people who can have multiple partners. However, the fact that neurodivergent people do not see the world or operate within it as other people do makes nonmonogamy both uniquely challenging and uniquely well-suited to them. Many varieties of neurodivergence mesh with the requirements of this life more easily than the neurotypical baseline does and cultivating those traits can make a polyamorous life far easier. But there are also situations that come with neurodivergence that can make being polyamorous more difficult.

Nonmonogamy and Neurodiversity is for neurodivergent people considering or practicing nonmonogamy. Its goal is to help neurodivergent people understand how well-suited they are to the polyamorous life, and to help them recognize and manage the challenges that being neurodivergent can bring to nonmonogamy. It is also for the partners and potential partners of neurodivergent people, to encourage them to understand different perspectives and to help them be understanding, accommodating and well-informed. Nomonogamous relationships do not belong exclusively to the neurotypicals, but to us all.

More Than Two Essentials is a series of books by Canadian authors on focused topics in nonmonogamy. It is curated by Eve Rickert, author of the books More Than Two, Second Edition. Learn more and find all forthcoming titles at morethantwo.ca.

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