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How Do I Sexy?

A Guide for Trans and Nonbinary Queers
Publication Date: August 23, 2024

What even is “sexy,” and how the hell do you do it? A tough question for trans and non-binary queers struggling to find their sexual selves in a landscape rife with misogynistic, transphobic and homophobic ideals and expectations. In How Do I Sexy?, Mx. Nillin Lore provides affirming and helpful direction based on over a decade of their own personal and professional experience as an educator, advocate, support worker and award-winning sex blogger.

You’re invited to do some deep introspection, find a look that feels right and gain insight on sexiness from fellow trans and nonbinary queers. You’ll also find valuable tips on navigating dating sites, finding community, managing rejection with grace and engaging in sexual relationships. Principled and compassionate, Mx. Lore will help you figure out who you want to be, who you want to be with and how to make it happen—both in the streets and between the sheets.

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  • “Very informative, affirmative and compassionate writing that can help pretty much anybody figure out how to be sexy!”
    — Amity Pulsatrix

  • “I have such gratitude for this playful, affirming book. It brought me to tears to see my own personal experiences represented with such nuance and love. How Do I Sexy? explores the search for authentic pleasure within queer bodies that often eludes definition. So many books about human sexuality are written about us, rather than by us. The power of this book is that these are our stories, using our language and on our terms. I am thrilled to see it released in the world.”

    —Orlando Silver, erotica writer and teacher

  • “We don’t always get the kind of guidance for having and enjoying our sexuality in a positive and healthy way. That guidance comes in even shorter supply for our trans, nonbinary, and queer friends. Having a voice like Nillin’s writing on this topic is both spot on and wildly beneficial!”

    —Kevin A. Patterson, M.Ed., author of Love’s Not Color Blind

  • “Nillin’s work in the sex blogging community has that magical quality of being both hot and filthy, and educating and thought-provoking. They are one of the most authentic sex bloggers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. They share their joys and their hardships with equal honesty and bravery. Their work is truly a celebration of queer love and sex.”

    —Molly Moore, creator of Molly’s Daily Kiss and author of Molly’s Daily Kiss: Submission Of Truth

  • “Mx. Nillin is a truly thoughtful writer whose work is always informative, frequently moving and often incredibly hot. Their sex blog is one of the best—they weave personal experience with education and advocacy so beautifully. Nillin’s work is sorely needed in a world where sex and pleasure is still seen in deeply reductive, binary ways. With their welcoming approach and ability to knit honesty and vulnerability with education, I can think of few better guides through the landscape of ‘sexy’ than Nillin!”

    —Girl on the Net

  • “Nillin’s warmth, humor, and adventurousness are a shining light in the sex writing community. They live their queer, pervy life proudly, and in doing so, inspire others to be truer to themselves too. Reading their work serves as a wonderful reminder that sex is best when infused with fun, freedom, self-knowledge and self-expression.”

    Kate Sloan, author of 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do

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