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Say More

Say More: Consent Conversations for Teens
Kitty Stryker, with a foreword by Heather Corinna

Publication Date: April 26, 2024
Formats: Trade paperback, Kindle, ePub and PDF
ISBN: 978-1-990869-51-8 (paperback); 978-1-990869-52-5 (ePub)
Price: US $19.95 / CAD $26.95 (paperback); US $11.99 / CAD $15.99 (e-book)

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Talking about consent can feel overwhelming, especially for young people who may be navigating their own boundaries for the first time. In Say More, consent culture activist Kitty Stryker guides teenagers in exploring what consent means to them. This timely and practical workbook allows the reader to work at their own pace and in their own way, with concrete examples from Kitty’s youth, prompts inspired by questions teens have asked her and comprehensive resources to encourage exploration and introspection.

Kitty Stryker is a writer, activist and authority on developing a consent culture in alternative communities. She is the founder of ConsentCulture.com, a hub for LGBT, kinky, and polyamorous folks looking for a sex-critical approach to relationships, and was one of the first people to talk about what a consent culture was and could be. The editor of Ask: Building Consent Culture, Kitty currently serves her community as a street medic and plans to expand on her work by studying law.

 

"Stryker goes beyond first-time and initial interactions, exploring such issues as "What's the Best Way to Tell Someone You've
Changed Your Mind?" and "What Should I Do When I've Crossed Someone's Boundaries?" Features include a toolbox of strategies, checklists, consent tips, a bibliography, website guides, crisis resources, and a helpful glossary. This offers accessible and useful guidance for teens
(and their parents), no matter how they identify."

—Kathleen McBroom, Booklist

"Kitty Stryker has followed up her powerful book on consent culture with an essential resource for young people. Say More is crystal clear and complex without being dense or academic and is brimming with compassion and identification. Boundaries and consent are rarely discussed with our teens and children and should be commonplace in homes and schools. If I had had this book when I was thirteen and struggling alone with an abuser, it would have been a game changer. Say More will change the game for many young people and parents, whether dealing with extreme situations or the everyday challenges of interpersonal relationships and maintaining one’s agency."

—Alex Winter, actor, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

"As cisgender guys, we're not always socialized to have the kind of background in consent that we should. Had I had a whole-ass book to teach me in my teens vs. learning it all clumsily through trial and error in my adulthood, I'd probably have far fewer awkward interactions to cringe about for the rest of my life. Kitty is not only tackling the right topic but aiming at the exact right audience to make the most amount of positive impact."

Kevin A. Patterson, M.Ed, author of Love's Not Color Blind

"This book is an accessible guide to navigating consent in multiple contexts! It's practical, insightful, and respects the individual as well as the cooperative nature of preferable human interaction. There is not enough teen-appropriate material on this subject and thank goodness Kitty Stryker brings her nuanced, respectful and helpful language to the discussion!"

Avens O'Brien, Feminists for Liberty

"Say More is an accessible, practical, friendly guide to consent and healthy boundaries in all kinds of relationships. Stryker answers questions from real teens and uses examples young people are likely to relate to without ever condescending, making the advice and tools in this book useful for anyone who wants to get better at awkward and necessary conversations."

Jennifer Peepas, creator of CaptainAwkward.com

"Say More provides a growth-oriented approach to the topic of consent. Through unpacking common consent slogans and rules, Stryker gives teens the space and permission to reflect on their understanding of consent and their own consent practices. The chapters are short, the stories are relatable, and the tools are practical. I continue to be impressed by the way Stryker helps deepen our capacities to build a culture of consent."

Sarah Casper, consent educator

“Kitty Stryker dives into the complexities and nuances of consent while giving straightforward and concise information and advice on how to navigate it all. I think teens will find this book more like a talk with a big sister than a ‘how to’ book on consent. Each chapter tackles tough questions that we all wrestle with. I wish I could have read a book like this when I was a teen!”

—Erica Scott, co-author of Creating Consent Culture: A Handbook for Educators and founder of Creating Consent Culture

"A crucial resource for all teens, and an absolute godsend for neurodivergent teens! Say More turns the nuanced social cues of consent into concrete frameworks, providing clear scripts and step-by-step guidance for critical conversations that too often go unspoken. Teens will not only learn how to understand and communicate their own authentic levels of consent, but also how to seek and respond gracefully to someone else’s."

Sarah Dopp, ADHD coach and neurodivergent writer

"An engaging, inclusive, and informative guide to this crucial topic."

Kirkus Reviews

"Say More is an earnest, funny, thought-provoking exploration into not just consent, but good communication as a whole. The book approaches navigating consent with a blend of sensitivity and unapologetic, straightforward clarity, making it an essential read for anyonenot just teenslooking to enhance their communication skills. Kitty's emphasis on authenticity and compassion makes it a standout addition to the conversation. This book belongs in every sex-ed classroom and every relationship therapist's office."

Cate Osborn (Catieosaurus), certified ADHD sex educator

"Say More is a brilliant overview of all things consent. It gives teens spot-on, realistic advice about how we might navigate all our relationships more consensually, and about how to handle things when we, inevitably, don’t manage it at times. Kitty Stryker is just the friendly mentor required to guide us through this complex territory with clarity, steadiness, and a whole lot of relatable experience.”

—Dr. Meg-John Barker, co-author of How To Understand Your Sexuality and Sexuality: A Graphic Guide

"Kitty Stryker makes exploring the nuances of consent interesting and fun. A joyous, galaxy brain read."

—A.V. Flox, author of Disrupting the Bystander: When #metoo Happens Among Friends

"Consent conversations are so important, yet they often happen exclusively in the context of sex (if they happen at all). What I appreciate about Say More is that Kitty provides an expansive perspective of what consent is and can look like in teenagers' everyday lives, including in friendships and with adults, and how to respect and prioritize autonomy in a culture that doesn't. There's no assumption that consent is simply 'sexy' in this book, and I believe readers will appreciate that, in addition to the fundamentals, it intentionally addresses the fuzzy, murky parts of consent that are often left out of pop-culture sex and relationship resources."

—Anne Hodder-Shipp, author of Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love

Kitty Stryker is the perfect companion with whom to properly tuck into the important, intelligent, meaty conversations young people want and need to have about consent. In her fabulously warm, accessible, and witty way, and without ever patronising, she guides readers on how to thoroughly chew over tough questions like ‘Is consent really always sexy…and should it have to be?’ ‘What do you do if you consented to something at the time, but later regret it?’ and ‘How can you fix things if you cross someone’s boundaries yourself?’

 

Nothing’s rushed over, and nothing’s hushed up: Say More truly gets into the nitty gritty, so readers emerge not only with a more profound understanding of what navigating consent can look like, but also with a toolkit of skills to help them do so with greater confidence, comfort and safety.

 

Although aimed at teens, I recommend Say More to everyone. Kitty Stryker has written a brilliant, illuminating torch of a book; the more people who read and use it, the brighter and clearer all our interactions can be."

—Alix Fox, sexual culture writer and script consultant to Netflix's Sex Education

"Don't be fooled into thinking this book is just for teens. It's terrific for adults too. In a rare combination of clarity and nuance, it's useful for everyone. And it's a joy to read."

Dr. Betty Martin, author of The Art of Receiving and Giving: the Wheel of Consent