As polyamory continues to make its way into the mainstream, more and more people are exploring consensual nonmonogamy in the hope of experiencing more love, connection, sex, freedom and support. While for many, the move expands personal horizons, for others, the transition can be challenging, leaving them blindsided and overwhelmed. Beyond the initial transition to nonmonogamy, many struggle with the root issues beneath the symptoms of broken agreements, communication challenges, increased fighting and persistent jealousy.
Polyamorous therapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley share the insights they have gained through thousands of hours working with clients in consensually nonmonogamous relationships. Using a grounded theory approach, they explore the underlying challenges that nonmonogamous individuals and partners can experience after their first steps, offering practical strategies for transforming them into opportunities for new levels of clarity and intimacy.
Polywise provides both the conceptual framework to better understand the shift from monogamy to nonmonogamy and the tools to navigate the next steps, allowing you to not just survive in open relationships, but thrive in them.
“In her latest book, Jessica Fern has crafted the map to guide readers and lovers venturing into the uncharted. With great care and necessary nuance, Polywise is a must-read for anyone navigating open relationships.”—Esther Perel, psychotherapist and New York Times-bestselling author of The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity
“Jessica Fern and her co-conspirator David Cooley have bared their souls about the evolution of their own poly lives and relationships, as well as sharing countless illuminating stories about their clients’ struggles. They have truly pulled back the curtain to expose the real truth of how things can go so horribly awry, and exactly why poly relationships can so often spiral down into Poly Hell. There were many times when I wanted to stop reading, because I wasn’t sure if I really wanted this level of brutal honesty. This is truly Poly 4.0, and it may be too much for a mere mortal like myself to ever become this highly evolved as a human being and as a relationship partner. But if I decide I am up to the challenge, Jessica has given me a roadmap to get there. Required reading and a must-have for your poly bookshelf!”—Kathy Labriola, counselor, nurse, and author of The Polyamory Breakup Book
“This book is thorough! There were so many useful tools, concepts, exercises, and prompts for personal inquiry that anyone who reads it can walk away with something they can apply to level up their nonmonogamous journey. And on a personal note, reading the stories from Jessica and her former spouse-turned-co-author Dave was particularly poignant for me as someone currently separating from my spouse, whom I entered nonmonogamy with. Their compassionate and honest reflections on their relationship with one another were healing for me. I often say there’s being polyamorous and then there’s being polyamorous well. I believe Polywise can equip you to do just that.”—Evita Sawyers, author of A Polyamory Devotional
“As someone who’s experienced a multitude of relationship transitions throughout the course of my life, I found Polywise to be incredibly profound. This book moves past the polyamory 101 manual into graduate-level territory. It’s an exceptional achievement that will be required reading for anyone practicing consensual nonmonogamy, from seasoned veteran to timid newbie alike.” —Emily Sotelo Matlack, co-host of Multiamory podcast and co-author of Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships
“Polywise is an important book for anyone on how we change and adapt. Change is never easy. We need this guide to help us examine our narratives and beliefs around monogamy and create clear relationship agreements, shifting old paradigms of loyalty to structures that more closely resonate with our core values. In fact, this book leads us on a complete overhaul of the relationship foundation, a deconstruction of partnerships as we know them, while at the same time respecting those who want to stay monogamous. No matter where your relationship stands, this book is a necessity for examining your future and creating the life you’ll love.”—Tammy Nelson, PhD., sex and relationship expert and author of Open Monogamy; A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement
“So often advice about nonmongamy feels like it is addressing the visible issues at hand—jealousy, boundaries, communication, etc—so relationships can survive. In Polywise, Jessica Fern and David Cooley help readers understand the often unseen root causes of those symptoms and give them the strategies they need so their relationships can actually thrive.”—JoEllen Notte, author of The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having and In It Together: Navigating Depression with Partners, Friends, and Family
“In Polywise’s expansive and eye-opening exploration of the possibilities of nonmonogamous life, Jessica Fern invites us to examine our individual and societal beliefs about love and offers an indispensable guide for newly opened couples’ transitions to their next chapter. If you are ready to think more deeply about communication, codependency, conflict, and repair in your most important relationships, Polywise is required reading. I am looking forward to recommending this guide to clients and students.”—Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, author of Love Every Day and host of Reimagining Love
“Polywise is more than a guide—it’s a roadmap for evolving both self and relationship. Its compassionate tone, thoughtful exercises, and emphasis on inner work make it a companion for anyone navigating shifts in love. You’ll find yourself turning pages with both curiosity and relief, discovering that the challenges of non-monogamy can become portals to deeper intimacy and self-trust. This is a book to return to—a practical reference for rebuilding trust, repairing conflict, and anchoring relationships in authenticity and care. It’s thoughtful and grounded, not lofty or prescriptive—and that’s what makes it powerful.”—Tal Gur, Elevate Society
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