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Ask: Building Consent Culture
Kitty Stryker, with a foreword by Laurie Penny and an afterword by Carol Queen

Publication Date: October 27, 2017
Formats: Trade paperback, Kindle, ePub and PDF
ISBN: 978-1-944934-25-5 (paperback); 978-1-944934-26-2 (ePub); 978-1-944934-27-9 (Kindle); 978-1-944934-28-6 (PDF)
Price: US $14.95 / CAD $19.95 (paperback); US $11.99 / CAD $14.99 (e-book)

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Have you ever heard the phrase “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission?” Violating consent isn’t limited to sexual relationships, and our discussions around consent shouldn’t be, either.

To resist rape culture, we need a consent culture—and one that is more than just reactionary. Left confined to intimate spaces, consent will atrophy as theory that is never put into practice. The multi-layered power disparities of today’s world require a response sensitive to a wide range of lived experiences.

In Ask, Kitty Stryker assembles a retinue of writers, journalists, and activists to examine how a cultural politic centered on consent can empower us outside the bedroom, whether it’s at the doctor’s office, interacting with law enforcement, or calling out financial abuse within radical communities.

More than a collection of essays, Ask is a testimony and guide on the role that negated consent plays in our lives, examining how we can take those first steps to reclaim it from institutionalized power.

“Even when an author might be questionable–which, aren’t we all in some way or another?–the questions each address and raise are important and compelling. This book is necessary.”

—Stoya, co-founder of TRENCHCOATx

“This collection of writing is a peek into the future of consent culture. As society’s relationship to sex lurches between fear and liberation, there is a lot of confusion and conflict. This book puts together a selection of clear voices and asks the kind of intelligent, compassionate questions that will shape our path forward.”

—Polly “Superstar” Whittaker, author of Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary and founder of Kinky Salon and Mission Control

“Ms. Kitty Stryker is a true force of nature. Smart, sassy, saucy, sexy, and to-the-bone honest, hers is a voice that needs to be heard. And she has excellent shoes.”

— David Henry Sterry, bestselling author of Chicken

“I know that when readers set this book down, they’ll have skills and perspectives they need to make change, in their lives and in society. Grasping and practicing consent has ramifications in many more realms than the sexual—all manner of oppressive behavior is predicated on ignoring consent, which is a justice issue in every way.”

—from the afterword by Carol Queen, co-founder of the Center for Sex and Culture and author of PoMoSexuals and Real Live Nude Girl


Kitty Stryker is a writer, activist and authority on developing a consent culture in alternative communities. She was the founder of, a hub for LGBT, kinky and polyamorous folks looking for a sex-critical approach to relationships. Kitty also cofounded the artsy sexy party Kinky Salon London, as well as creating the award-winning Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society and the San Francisco–based kink party Whippersnappers, and acting as head of cosplay for queer gaming convention GaymerX. Kitty tours internationally, speaking at universities and conferences about feminism, sex work, body positivity, queer politics and more. She lives in Oakland, California, with her wife, boyfriend, and two cats, Foucault and Nietzsche.